In my Head Again (ongoing series)

In my thoughts again, thinking over past events and reliving them in my head I always think how things could be different. The one thing I thought of again is the time that I was so very duped and confused lust for love.

There was a moment in my past in which an unnamed female was deeply involved in my life and I was glad for it. I loved talking with her, being with her and I loved everything about her, at least I thought I did. I even went as far as telling her I love her, which I normally don’t do because I have a raised distinction of love, I don’t even believe I have ever experienced love so I never usually say it to girls I’m involved with.

But alas it seems that all my emotions were confused and jumbled because of my libido, that godforsaken appendage that hangs between my legs and leads me in directions and thoughts I would rather not go to, but given the chance I would still live with it then without it. It seems that with time I began to realize that I liked very little of this unnamed female, her laugh was annoying, her music sucked, she wasn’t that funny, she was even to goofy for me, and i began to realize why it was I “fell” for her in the first place. It was because she talked dirty to me. Yes, yes I had my dick confuse my emotions and I mistook love for lust. In time I realized the only reason I liked her was because she made me horny…. Such a sad time in my past and I hope I never fall for it again, but alas I believe that it will happen again…..

…. This new one, well relatively new; is it her personality I adore, her laugh, her smile, her humor, her general person that I am fond of and have fallen for. Or can it be that my brain is confused again, her rack, her caboose, her body; have I fallen for that, confused my emotions and I cannot distinguish whether it is her physical form I’m after or her soul and mind. Or her gaze, has she cast a veil over my reality and stunned my very thoughts with her eyes, her gaze has caught me, in a web, stuck, struggling, thinking of how it came to be, what had brought me to this point, this trance she has induced has snared me so….

Maybe like everything else in my life I am over thinking this situation. Maybe I do like some aspects of this new huntress whose caught me in her trap, or am I too delirious and dumb to realize that it maybe just a crush and simple little thing and not as much as I make it seem. I don’t know, I don’t understand my own emotions, I believe I understand my self but my emotions are on a whole different level of self realization. Well only time will tell and if time has been like it has in the past I will be thinking over again the events that have played out and how they could be different.